I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
