i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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