Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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