CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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