I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
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