Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
