well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
