at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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