Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
