You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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