he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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