I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
