I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
im six kinds of drunk right now
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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