there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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