So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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