i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
