That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
