I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
