i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
