The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
