I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
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