it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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