I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
