I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
