He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
