Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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