On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
