I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
