Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
