I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
