you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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