dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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