I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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