Plan B is the new Plan A
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
and she was petting her beer can
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
