Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
