You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just forgot I was standing up.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
