ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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