I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
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you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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