there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
