dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
