just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
