if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
