Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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