I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
