Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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