a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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