And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
