i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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