we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
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A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
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Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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