Church boner. Awkwardddd
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
