I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
