i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
