I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
