Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
