i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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