it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
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So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
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i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
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