Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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