So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
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It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
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Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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