My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
