So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
