my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
