I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
