I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
