Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
