I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
