In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
