She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
